Gauti - A Cheap Model for Celebrating Success

It’s quite natural to remember your closest family members every time you cross a milestone in your personal or professional life. Just the order of remembrance differs for many – some people spend a moment remembering the almighty and then their parents or siblings who must have been a great support in their advancement.

We saw that happening in cricket when Sachin Tendulkar scored his hundredth hundred; as a matter of fact, every time he score a hundred or passes a milestone, we see him looking up to have a word of thanks to God, or it might as well be a word with his mentor whose soul we pray to rest in peace.

Media replayed that image an umpteenth time in a way to salute Sachin for his achievement, rightly so.

Gautam Gambhir too is not any bad when it comes to remembering his beloved ones. Media had a tough time though to relay it on air fearing how the young cricketers looking up to this rolled-gold idols to build an identity would try and celebrate learning a lesson from Gauti! When Gautam Gambhir’s team defeated Pune Warriors in yesterday’s IPL match, Gautam was very prompt to remember his sister – particularly her private parts – (or was it someone else’s?) and it was so well pronounced that the camera didn’t miss it and parents would have gone blue if they were watching it with their daughters, for such was the tempo of the word he used!

I am afraid of writing what he said, for, the moderator of this esteemed forum (India's Trainers Forum) might not want such language to be used here. In same breath, I am also afraid that there will be a few - in this very forum - who might advocate his right to celebrate in whichever way he wishes as ideal!

What concerns me is not how he celebrates. What I am concerned is how our young talents are wasted. Do you remember the name of a young cricketer who is now running a music band? He would have been running in the ground bowling for India wearing blue jersey, had he tamed his attitude and listened a little bit to the rage of the ordinary people for the show he put on, in the field.  It took a cancer for Yuvraj Singh to begin to smile on or off the filed - until then, even celebrations was brutal as if to smile in the face of winning was a sign of weakness, that it always had to accompany rage and an abusive word!! Fingergate of Virat Kohli isn’t a distant story either.

Who is teaching them that celebrations cannot be gentle, and that it has to be with a loud proclamation of the celebrators sister’s private parts – which is the common language among the rogue cricketers in the gentle Indian uniforms!! For over twenty years they are watching Sachin grow, and why are they blind to the wonderful lessons he is leaving behind for them to learn? They have had Pataudi, Sunil Gavaskar, Kapil Dev – legends to learn behaviours and skills alike!!

While I salute the skills of these big boys and respect their achievements at this young age, I fail to take pride in their maturity to succeed as leaders of our sports in the time to come.

And perhaps the guys in the commentary box should do all what they can to put down behaviours as such and help keep the game gentle.

From the bedroom I hear my five year old daughter screaming "Didi.....! Sachin.....!" to her sister as she saw a glimpse of him on the screen batting against Chennai Kings! I wish the Gautams too will grow for the next generation to look up at them!!

ps : I am reminded of a Sales & Marketing team member we had at InterContinental Hotels Group where I worked before, who had his education from the Rolls Royce of hotel schools - Lausanne International, Switzerland - but had to be terminated in six months into his job - not because he didn't bring in revenue, but because his attitude was rotten and damaging the other apples in the basket.

Shahir

06/05/2012

Aakashaparavakal (Sky Birds)

Aakashaparavakal  (Aakasha meaning ‘sky’ and Paravakal meaning ‘birds’) is a shelter for the destitute operated by a Christian missionary I had an opportunity to visit last week. Over three hundred young and old men and women are given shelter in this well maintained institution located in the backyards of Malabar in Kerala, perceivably uninfluenced by politicians and driven by the 'nameless' philanthropists from across the social segments.

In operation since fifteen years, this institution is remarkably well maintained across the facilities – be that the areas exposed to the outsiders or those that are exclusively in use by the inmates! As we entered the courtyard, we saw Sr. Kaanthi with the young girls playing and the younger ones watching them play – all of them having their own stories to tell, each of them would shatter our conscience for the kind of life we are leading and that we see as lead around us!

Over three hundred inmates! Sick, tired, psychic, hopeless, aimless, singing, crying, silent, loud!! They are provided with shelter, food and clothing. Much more than all that, they are given the care and love that they are so deprived of – either by the cruel twist of fate, or the more brutal design of fate by the most powerful in their lives!

Stories of life I heard from Sister Kaanthi who took us on a tour of the facilities was not only heartbreaking but perhaps would serve as a timely supplement to help many reevaluate their interests in life and realign their directions! Perhaps that’s the reason why many like me are visiting this place as an interlude to their busy lives! Among the stories were that of children who were discarded as less valuable than a tissue-paper who then grew in the hands of these nuns and were given life-skills to stand up on their own! We saw in the eyes of the old the pain of torture they felt in the hands of their beloved sons and daughters! The mothers looked at us in vague expectation of seeing someone whom they’ve been waiting for. The children – for them, that they were abandoned was a blessing, for, they are now in the hands of a caring few.

Sometimes we find solace in the misery of people living around us, and people who visit them return home with a silent prayer thanking providence for what they have in life. “We don’t want clothes”, said Sister Kaanthi, “we get them from many people who visit us. If you feel like helping, give us some bed-sheets, beans and grams, sugar, tea-powder… these are the things that will help us a lot in the daily operation of this institution.” The challenges they face in dealing with the emotions of these inmates are innumerable, and the only power that they have to endure these challenges are the power of prayers, and the reward is in seeing them have a life, or the least, in improving the quality of their lives, at the dead end!

In reflection, I live in a country whose elected president spent millions of dollars on overseas trips with her beloved family members – a rubber stamp position that was meant to guide the governance but looted it in its own manner, and the cost of flowers and garlands used for one independence day would be sufficient to feed hundreds of thousands of destitute as this!

Abu Sali took us there. It had a reason why a random conversation lead to this topic and to this institution; it had a reason why at this point in time we visited this place – Shabib, Rasha and I with Abu Sali -  after so many years of its inception and never once coming to our attention ever before. The scenic drive to this place arouse nostalgic memories of our school days – in our childhood, we travelled this way every day seeing with an un-definable pride the men in uniform marching in the ground of Malabar Special Police, its well groomed lawns and painted pavements!

As we returned, we were silent, each of us digesting the sounds of narratives we heard at ‘Aakashaparavakal', the sounds of sky birds...

Shahir

May 04, 2012

Life Lessons From IPL Cricket

Watching IPL is fun; the glory and glamour it brought with it for many eclipses the misery that it caused for a few (thinking of Lalit Modi and Sasi Taroor!!). The revolution it made in the history of cricket made it reach to the masses than ever before. It was packaged so appetizingly for the business houses to embrace, and when looked deeper there are more to experientially learn from what we see at IPL that will not only benefit the corporate houses but an ordinary man alike, as lessons of life!


Lesson 1 : Enjoy the moment: As spectators, life is a game unfolding before you as you watch it from the gallery of time; enjoy each moment of it, regardless of whether your ecstatic face is projected on the big screen for the whole world to see. Be yourself and listen to the feelings and emotions inside you and let them flow as genuine as they are – irrespective of how you are conditioned by your ego and the roles you play, as long as it is synchronized with the social norms; why do we sometimes wait till the camera is zoomed in on us to display our exuberance and smile from ear to ear, and keep a straight face rest of the time! Do it anyway, can’t we? When your performance in life is excelling the ordinary, outstanding from the rest of the pack or become worthy of recognition, the camera of the world will come looking for you and project you, and so will the attention of those who matters most. All you need to do is to perform your best!


Lesson 2: Lead from center-out: Old adage is to lead from front, and in time it is conveniently taken out of context and abused by leaders, by putting their nose in everything assuming it as their responsibilities in spite of having an army of experts who can deliver better. Dhoni or Vettori may be the captains of their teams but for obvious reasons they do not insist that they be the opening batsmen, thinking, who else can be better than the captain to open the game and be the first for the cameramen to zoom on!! Batting positions and bowling orders are determined as a strategy of the game and the strength of individuals; your role as a leader is to facilitate that engagement and provide a direction and purpose, reasons too; the team is bigger than the individual, and it is only wise enough to come as 6th batsman if that’s where you will fit for the best interest of the team.

Lesson 3: Possibilities In Life: The game offers you wide possibilities to play unconventional strokes that you had always been instructed not to play; your imagination is the only limitation to how well you can perform, which is why de Villiers could score a six with a reverse scoop, however unconventional it may have appeared. Before you are the spectators keen to watch you play your best; inventions and innovations you will bring about will rise to become an entertainment for the spectators, and they will celebrate colourfully with our cheer-leaders in our neighbourhood.

Lesson 4: Maintain Integrity: If you had stood your ground with integrity and character, you will always find a space to be around meaningfully, like Anil Kumble, with yet another opportunity to give back to the game of life and bring around a new generation of game players with character and purpose. Should the game and glory get into your head the only way left is to perhaps relax in a luxurious villa beside the backwaters of Cochin and compose music for a music band, or let go the palaces in Rajasthan and muse in the streets of England reminiscing the good old days spent in yachts and chartered flights tweeting life away!


Life is a beautiful game where everyone has a role to play, and the role changes. It’s great to be able to be at the center of the pitch and be in control, and play the game out till the allotted time; play well, every day is your season of IPL – Integrated Power of Living!

Shahir
22 April 2012

Pain or Suffering - An Intelligent Choice

“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding / and you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief” wrote Kahlil Gibran in “The Prophet”

We see many around us in pain; we see many around us suffering. What we often fail to see is the difference between the pain they endure as a natural phenomenon of existence and the suffering they chose as a conscious choice in life.

Pain is inevitable; many things we face in life can inflict pain on us – either influenced through a foreign substance disturbing the status-quo of our body or an internal imbalance causing a disturbance to the functioning of our system. A thorn piercing our feet cause pain; on a fine morning as we wake up we might realize our eyes are swollen and it’s causing pain too. These fluctuations in sensation that we call pain are a truth of life – inevitable.

Suffering is a choice; to suffer is to feel or bear with disagreeable effects; dictionary has in it another definition of ‘to allow’; it is an allowance we give ourselves through a decision we make, a choice from a basket of options we have in life, an unnecessary allowance. How a friend treated you a few years back or a loss of share in the stock-market or a twist in your career might have caused ‘pain’ at that moment. That pain is inevitable to the nature of cause – a normal response of our system to an incident of that kind from a person you trust or a possession you held so dear or a dream you kept so high. Thinking about it years after, today, and feeling painful transforms that sensation to a different dimension – that’s suffering. That suffering is a choice. You are oscillating to a dead moment in the past and breathing life to it, inhaling its toxic emotions and becoming intoxicated and derailing from your path that otherwise leads otherwise to success.

Acceptance leads us to the liberation. If you are wearing a suit and it suddenly happened to rain, raindrops falling on your suit, you suffer from the awareness that your suit will be damaged and with the thoughts of how you will get to a shade! The friction causes suffering, and the after-thoughts that follows. A child playing in that rain, or a young couple in the beach walking in the rain ‘accepted’ that moment as inevitable, and they do not go through that friction, but in that acceptance they rather enjoy the pleasantness of that moment. Should you in a flip of time decide to walk in that rain and not allow the thoughts of damaging your suit or possible illness infiltrate your logic, perhaps you too would have enjoyed it the same manner, attain that liberation. In acceptance, we are liberating the friction of battle that take place in our mind caused by the discrepancy of reality and expectations – or our perception of what life should be, than what it is.

Our pain is in this moment – a cut, a bruise, a headache, a heart-break! That’s inevitable. But our sufferings are connected to a glorious moment in the past or a dream of the future, or a dark moment in the yesteryears or a bright hope in an uncertain future. Most of what we suffer is the pain of leaving behind something in the past or the friction of designing the skeleton of an uncertain future – a future that can’t be reached if ‘now’ is not lived to its fullest!

In a world where the powerful and the manipulative minds and hands rule the roost, in a world where the formal mechanisms of governance itself water the roots of terrorism in different disguise, we are offered with reasons in abundance to suffer – the news we watch, the stories that unfold, the helplessness we live with to influence, so on and so forth. It becomes only an intelligent choice before us then to have an awareness of the ‘now’ and accept its inevitability, that, in that acceptance we realize that this is all what it can be, a thought that will fail to disturb the inner peace and the balance.

Shahir

Summer Parenting When The Heat Is On!

Summer Holidays! Most parents are equally puzzled and excited too when faced with engaging their children productively during summer holidays! Sensing the opportunity, the trainers and others alike in the city pull their sleeves to organize various summer camps and parents rush to enroll them in the pretext of character development, though in some cases it’s just an outsourced parenting!

While summer camps are indeed a good platform for children to develop a holistic approach towards life if organized well with an appropriate ratio of facilitators and participants, there are many activities parents can think of and drive at home too, which will also enrich their bonding. Just as in the corporate world you adjust the operation to the climatic changes of the market, it is inevitable that we see this ‘summer holidays’ as a climatic change at home and adjust our parenting style according to its demands.

Who wouldn’t want a bicycle, or a teddy bear, or a ticket to an IPL match? Motivating children to work towards an incentive is perhaps one of the first steps in engaging them in productive activities that will reshape them. Naturally, incentives that ‘you’ offer them may be less valued than the incentives that you agree after a discussion ‘with them’ for what they value most. Making them feel they are the winners is by itself a motivator.

The incentive will turn out to be an investment if the child indeed qualifies and earn his reward, for, in the process of earning that incentive during this period, the child would have registered in his subconscious mind many habits that will at some point in his life serve him good. Once you have set up an incentive that you know the child would jump at, we then set some goals with clear milestones. Imagine a big chart put up on the wall that highlights the different goals in colour, the weekly milestones that you and the child together will discuss on a daily basis! It is an opportunity to celebrate little successes every time they are getting closer to their milestones, and an opportunity to visually coach and guide when he is falling short. The child may not correct immediately, nonetheless, the achievements and shortfalls are inevitably registered in his subconscious mind and it will process on its own over a period of time.

In setting goals, it is important that the children are involved fully, and as parents our role is to guide, and bring to their conscious surface the kind of goals that you are expecting – subtly aimed at the areas you know he needs improvement. Is it discipline, is it time management, is it ability to talk to visitors at home – you decide. It must be clear to the child that this project is not an option and this is how the summer will be, however there could be a basket of options of activities they could choose from, or of their own if you are convinced it could yield results. The discussions on the project should not be sidelined to a marginal conversation over dinner or in between attending your business calls or reading newspaper, and must be a meeting as important as the meeting you chaired your office on the twenty-second floor with the CEO. It has to be a conscious discussion.

These activities doesn’t have to be big and glamorous; it could be a few action metaphors that would imbibe in him certain qualities and values qualifying for a score for each activity, as simple as assigning him duty to fold his blanket every morning, stacking away the newspapers and magazines in its designated areas, so on and so forth. Get them write a Summer Diary – a journal to document their activities in summer, or the least, have them write the qualities they observed in the IPL players they are closely following. Have them learn ‘shloka’s or verses from your holy books connecting with spiritual values and write how it relates to their friends or neighbourhood, as enthusiastic as you were to send him for guitar classes!

While summer camps may teach him to swim well in a pool, these camps that you organize at home will help him swim through the tides of life.

The Contrast

I attended a funeral the other day – funeral of a man, like many others whose hands are briskly held and pulled behind the curtain of life by the extended reach of death, who had a few more unfinished patches of half sewn hopes.

Sitting down in a corner, observing the expressions in the face of people who visited the house on that day, I had many things to write and share; my thoughts seem to have fallen down and lost under the dead leaves of time, such that I am now unable to write what I then wanted to write.

I am not getting the beginning to write about that sad ending!

When the priest was waited for, I heard someone inquire ‘did he arrive yet’?

When the ambulance was waited for, I heard many inquiring ‘did they bring ‘the body’ yet’?

Validity of his name is expired. His name was of no use anymore. He was referred to as ‘the body’.

Death is not as much a concern for the dying or the dead than it is for those who are left behind; men stood silently with men whom they knew. Men stood staring at ‘death’ leaning against the wall, or they searched for life on the floor as they stood looking down, plunged in thoughts of what is inevitable! The old among them – what must have been going on in their minds? The young, they were aware too in the attributes of death that doesn’t discriminate the old and the young.

Time chose to slow down; is it the fear of death or the respect for the dead that the men in waiting had lost their voice as they spoke to each other, that I could only hear whispers that failed to beat the tick-tock of the clock’s pendulum that oscillated between the two ends of now and then.

Which one of my word is perhaps the last I will speak? Which one of my deeds is perhaps the last I will act?

Faith in the plans I draw for the time to come is lost when I see the heap of dreams lying scattered in the silence of his wife and children. Yet I know that it is in that faith and in the actions that follows that you build and leave a legacy for those you will leave behind, though life never fails to throw at you examples of stark realities as this that instantaneously ripped away through the center a piece of dream that was core to the existence of that family.

There was a silent question that perhaps everyone asked in their minds un-doubtful of this inevitable touch of exhausting time, and perhaps a silent resolution in their hearts to make their life better, as they escorted ‘the body’ on its final journey!

Human race have grown its capability to annihilate races in pursuit of power and positions; yet, how humbled they become when they see reminders of that inevitable moment when you carry nothing that you fought for, rather, you are being carried to a place that you’ve been reminded all the while!

Shahir

Alternate Seasons!

Back home!!

In a few months of being away, how children change – growing up!

Their conversation has changed; the choice of words they learned to use, or not to use amuses me, and amazes too. When Naisha has become more logic and speaks of the little science she learned in school and relate it to the daily motion of life, Mariam has learned to express in words her emotions of heart more than before, and has become expressive of the little things that matters most to her.

Their expressions are different, changed!! They have hopes that they are able to communicate – Mariam do not want me to be with my laptop except when I have ‘homework’ as she put, and can’t understand why I have to be in Iraq when all her friends dad’s doesn’t have to!

What they laugh for, and why they become silent are all symbolic of their growth – the life I missed to experience! When did Mariam grew up to feel ‘shy’!

Physical expressions of love has become a matter of utmost importance to them, more than before; a hug is replenished every now and then with a heartfelt rhyming expression of ‘I love you Papa,’ and an affectionate kiss that fractures the cheek bone.

Whom we love, they love too. Whom we dislike, they dislike too – that’s how the solidarity is expressed, that we do not want what you do not want, and embrace what we embrace. Mariam’s typhoid has taken a toll on her, depriving her of the food she loves most and limiting her to the bare essentials! Our way of expressing our solidarity with her is to not have anything that she can’t, and wait till she will recover fully when she can then have all the chocolates and candies we bought! It tests Naisha’s patience, though perhaps it might also train her to be a person of values!

If I were to pray for one thing that I am sure of having granted as a boon, perhaps as any parent would, that would be to give me whatever illness and misfortunes that are destined for them, so that they are not tested by the brutality of life and are blessed to enjoy the spring and summer alike, for everything I endure is with their welfare alone in mind!

The soothing chants from the temple, the smell of spices and flowers in the air, the dynamic sound of life from the neighboring streets, Jaysree aunty's 'rasam' and all that and more, these alternate seasons of life is perhaps what life is all about - a constant experience of transition!!

Shahir

Where Did You Leave Her?

You may not want to read it, perhaps, it's also the story of your life!!

Should the excitement last forever? Does it? Or, should it? Of anything, for that matter!

Isn’t life a transformation, and should it always be what it was? How much of what it was should remain while it shed its old skin and new skins are formed?

I am talking about relationship, trying to plot the graph of growth in a chart of life!

Have you been through a stage of life where everything and anything that’s beautiful resembles the beauty and character of the person you love? Not just a dandelion or a bunch of jasmine or a garland of roses, but even the refreshing aroma from a coffee cup or and old melodious song played at a shop down the street are enough to lead your thoughts through till the avenue’s end where your beloved resides, waiting! There is a never ending ache, suffocation, clutching of ribs that you experience in the absence of the other, and the silent prayers that you whisper in mind to be the first to be taken away from this world than be left behind after your beloved is gone!

Where did all that thought lead you to, or where did you leave all those thoughts as you grew past the milestones of life and reached at the pavilion of time where you stand today!?

I remember the run up to our wedding! My wife use to – and I am sure she still does – sing very well, and I use to call her up on the phone when she return from work, and how lovable it was then to be listening to her singing of a few lines of what was then our favourite song from an old Hindi movie !

Why then did the sparrow stop singing! Or was it the woods that stopped listening! Where are the streams that once sung chorus to her songs?

I am wondering, in the recent years, how many pages of whatever I would have written – volumes on love, on relationship, on life, on the nostalgic moments from the past and the mesmerizing hopes of the future; they were all compiled as Random Thoughts in my WORDSChamber or a letter to a distant someone behind the rainbows compiled as a “Book of Letters”. And in reflection I realize, in just a few months between our first meeting and our wedding, how many letters did we send, weaving - from a single thread of love connected between the distance that separated us beyond the seas and mountains between the two continents then – weaving intimate conversations of what life means to us and how we intent to build it, brick by brick! Then, the most agonizing moments were two: one, when she will have to keep the phone and leave, and the other, to select the most lovable greeting card for whatever reasons I wish to send! I have in an old chest at home an old leather wallet that still has a fresh and crisp currency note sent to me on a special day; what I can buy with that note now is much lesser than what I could have bought with it then, but it’s just the value of currency that has devalued, and it is precious still when I think of the moments she would have went through, buying them, and packing them, and driving in her scootie to the post office to post them, and the last look perhaps at the postman with a humble plea to please take care of it!

I now wonder, I haven’t written to her an email for ages since!

Why then did the peacock stop dancing with its words spread out, or is it the rainbow that disappeared from the sky that stole its hope of rain to come!

I realized the other day, how surprising it is all !!

A week ago I reflected on this and wrote:

‎"I am intrigued by the paradoxes that surround us; down the street is a mason who could build for you a palace, yet lives in a hut; next lane is of a goldsmith who could craft for you an artful piece of an ornament, yet not own a stud; there sits a carpenter with his chisels and hammer, carving out soulful shapes for an arch for the rich, and his window is covered by an old worn out cloth! There is a book of destiny all these are credited to, in the end !"

The untold story was more than what was told!

There in that house is a lady bringing up two wonderful daughters – wife of a self-proclaimed poet – who could only read the poems and verses that her husband wrote for the world, and none for her!

Why can’t she get the poems to read, for her?

Why should she be a spectator in the pavilion, and not the dancer herself on the stage?

And I found the answer too.

What was love at the beginning transformed!

When love transforms to a better shape – when it is all done by rubbing with rough edges of life’s tests and has done its walking through the parks and between the pine trees, when it has seen the summer and lived through the autumn - it takes shape of respect of a particular kind, an inexpressible guarantee of a special belongingness that transcends the excitement of love.

Yet it intrigues me.

The script of life and the love that it is made of!!

Is it the story of your life too?

Shahir Kutteery

The End !

There are moments you come across in life where the closets of memories are sorted and clearedto take a few of the best ones with you to the future; a conscious transition marking an end and the beginning. The moment of cutting that umblical chord that connects to a series of special moments in the past have to be carefully held and truncated to move on to the future. It’s an aching moment.

Silly though it may sound, I feel that ache as I woke up this morning. Perhaps there was a build up to this since a week.

I am shifting to my new accommodation today – from Naz City to Elegan Hills !

It’s nearly a year since I came to this place; to take time as a scale to measure its significance would be as containing ocean in a mustard shell ! The days and months that lead to arriving here in Erbil, and the months that followed till now has great significance beyond what the Time could contain. The experience of living together with strangers who became friends and grew to be emotionally inseparable, the stages of transitions from strangeness, to dislikes to likes to loving and caring, the invisible bond it help us build in sharing those personal space, and the understanding that it developed of each others’ taste of living, their personal hopes, likes an dislikes – these would have not happened if it were not for the opportunity we had to be together. Clive, George, Devrim…all of them leaving a special memory of their own unique ways of living – one that perhaps we would never experience again, together !

And then there was the world I built within that world of a shared space – a shielded space of my own where I gardened my thoughts and nurtured my hopes; a world small in physical space yet so expansive as it could contain the whole of the past and till the edge of future, with an ever shifting horizon.

I don’t know if I will miss this place; but I know I have been sensing an ache as I pack my things; every steps are the last of its kind; every moment, one that will never come again. I have never enjoyed packing; to pack is always to part from something, someone. It has always been a symbol of disconnect; it always had a tinge of ache. When you take things with you, and when you leave things behind, you are not just taking or leaving it physically, but a piece of memory with it; you might forget it, and it may be insignificant in the larger scheme of life, yet, there is a gap of time from now till then when it is forgotten and transition into being insignificant.

What is an ‘end’ has always been a new beginning.

What is endless?

Did You Write This Letter?

O! Dear,

I have been wanting to connect with you for ages now, and didn't want to rush you a mail or flash on you a phone call but sit down and talk leisurely; it never happened all this while, for such is the pace of life!

I sometimes wonder in whose hands the reign of my life is! Who is accelerating it? Or, what is, rather?

I dont' know about you, but there are moments when I fall into silence as I come back from work, and perhaps would remain silent for hours without me knowing. A withdrawn state of being, with lot of conversation going on in mind and yet the voice suppressed between the chest ! The politics at work, the pressure of things to do and the desire to deliver more, the deadlines, the relationship, the battles, the failures, the dejection, the surprises, the celebrations, the cocktail of experiences we go through on a day is such that the exhaustion silences us as the day pulls down its curtain in disguise of a restful night !

That's when, my dear, with a punctuation of a sigh, the temptation to wrap those thoughts in these words become stronger. At times it gets birth as a little verses, and at times it becomes a letter; at times it simply flutters its wings and fly away to an unknown garden of dreams, and at times it simply become vapour and exist just as a steam of thought on the warm walls of my heart !

I am writing all these today for no reasons! I feel so exhausted - one of those days when you feel so heavy inside but do not know why you feel so and can't point a finger at any reasons...; you are a victim who had to read me as a result.

It keeps me wonder, what is it that I am chasing with such an exhaustive energy! What is it that I am aiming to gain with such a loss of the 'present'! The credentials, the laurels, a shining profile - just to be framed in a box of obituary in the end ?

Love

Shahir

October 16, 2011

Additions That Don't Add Up

4 + 5 = 9. Period.

Whether it is written in bold, or in gold, whether it is styled in Italic, it can only be 9. If what you want to make is 10, it's no point shifting around the 5 and 4 as you well know; what is required is to pause, reflect and add that '1' that will make up the 10.

Sometimes it is an application of science. Some other times, it's abandoning science and embracing common sense.

It's often that 'one' thing that is needed to add to what we do that is missing which stops us short of achieving what we are capable of achieving. I see people doing the same thing over and over again, tumbling down and getting up, tumbling down again and getting up, chasing the unseen, yet not pausing to reflect what else should I be doing that if I do can give me a better result, or get me closer.

There are sometimes a misinterpretation about being 'persistent.' Is it about doing it again and again till you get the result? Or is it about doing it again, plus or minus what didn't work in how it was done before ? 'Doing it again' is what I see mostly happening individually, and even in management situations. A very simple example will be the CVs I receive from applicants for various positions - the forwarded message of re-forwarded messages that leaves lines and symbols from previous messages. The belief is, 'I must have applied to at least 23 different hotels and I am sure I will get one of them.' If only they spend one minute to sit down and perhaps reflect, why after the 10th application I am not receiving an answer, and then alter what need to be altered, perhaps the result would have been different. In a hotel scenario, people coming with pre-opening experience is another example. I did this in the first hotel opening, and whether it was successful or not, the same template is pushed to apply in the n'th opening too ! Application of mind takes a back seat, often !

It is also about asking some bitter questions for which answers might not sit well with the desires in mind. What we insist as 'should be done' should perhaps question for why should it be done and what would happen if it is not done. What we consider as a 'must' should be questioned as 'for who that is a must' and what alternatives are available.

What I have also learned in my own life is that it is also about accepting what comes disguised as failure which in fact may just be a change of track that will lead to the right destination. I partnered a business sometime back, and went through adverse situations that forced me to close the consultancy - a period where I was almost pushed to the edge of being insane with the sound of shattered dreams and the face of an uncertain future looming large at me every time I close my eyes. It was then when I struggled with shame from the thought of being labelled as a failure, but when the decision to 'fail' was made, it was a relief that offered me energy to think afresh and look for avenues that would suit the puzzles that will make the big picture. And today when I look back, I realize that in the heat of tears were hidden the elements that strengthened my resolve and character. That acceptance of 'failure' was the '1' I needed to add to make it 10, and no matter what I did with the 5 and 4, wherever I positioned them, however I decorated them, would not have given me the result.

There needed a pause - perhaps an uncomfortable pause at that.

There needed a reflection - perhaps hearing unwanted commandments from the subconscious blue-print.

Because when you want enough, and when every cells and limbs are crushed to the ground enough to crave for success, and success alone as a recipe for survival, you will look for it, and there is no way that you can't have the support from the universe. Life is at times a magnified copy of an Olympic stadium. When you and I are behind that starting line, with all our focus on the goal we want to achieve, the sixty thousand audience in the stadium will join their hands together to sit in silence for that moment, offering us in solidarity the space and means to focus. The moment we start our race, they will join us with roaring applause as we cruise towards the finishing goal. My boss, a university professor, an HR Practitioner in US are all my examples of how universe will conspire towards achieving our goals as Paolo Coelho rightly wrote in The Alchemist.

To 5 and 4, what is the '1' that you need to add, to make it 10?

Shahir

06 October 2011.

Whoever You Are!

They all had something similar to say, that, they tried many avenues, faced several rejections, went through periods of dejection, faced faces of indifference and at times mockery, and it was a long long road before they reached the stage where a throne and a crown awaited to celebrate their success.

They all had several stories of failures etched into their lives that remains as a stain on their pillows that witnessed their sleepless nights and heard the sobs of an aching heart, before carving out a singular story of success! It had emotions that pulled them from both sides, days that had no beginning and never ended, and nights that they dreaded for the eerie silence it offered and expanded the size of world around them!

Nothing that was worthy to celebrate was achieved ever without the agony that you experience today, one that makes you feel dejected, one that makes you feel as worthless. It is beyond that bend where the valley of flowers and lakes are; it's after that what you term as misery that you are ripened enough to be called a fruit. The shell that's restricting your growth has to be cracked, and it is through that crack that you emerge to fly. Crack - perhaps is destructive. It's but the death of leaves that become the fertilizer for the growth of its tree. Knife wouldn't sharpen on a soap-rock; it needs hard surface to be sharp; such is life too. In smoothness of ordeals ones character doesn't harden. It's in its toughness the strengthening of character takes place.

No one walked up to that stage without causing callous on their feet from walking long distance without safeguards; there were hardships; climbed up the hill in joy and tumbled down to the valleys in tears. These are the few from the past whose life is a resemblance of yours that is good enough to offer hope for a future that you doubt!

It is never time to quit. It's time to defeat that voice that demands you to quit, for in that voice lies the sound of mantra that generates the energy to march forward, now.

Whoever you are.

Shahir

October 01, 2011

September that was!

No. It's not about 9/11.

This month offered a kaleidoscope of experiences; from the first week till todate, there were miles to travel and milestones to achieve. Though set out with a clear charter, the experience and observations of people around offered an unchartered experience influencing life and contributing career of which the highlights I do not want to let go without capturing somewhere.

Here are a few articles capturing the essence of my trip:

1. 'Asante Sana' Nairobi

2. Mission Recruitment: Namaste Mumbai

3. Mission Recruitment: Colombo Calling

4. Guest Lecture at IMT Dubai

These are articles I am writing with an intention to share with you a piece of my life as it evolved and to an extent an excuse too for not writing much during the last month - at least for those of you who did mention to me of how you missed them.

Shahir

23 September 2011

'Asante Sana' Nairobi

First part of the month started with a trip to Nairobi, Kenya. Though arriving at Nairobi brought back pleasant memories of my last trip many years ago, the taste didn’t last for long as I discovered that I had lost my luggage! First few moments were of hope to get the luggage and move out fast; the moments that followed added a bit anxiety, thinking why is it so late to come! All those who were waiting had collected theirs and gone, leaving a lot of space around the conveyor-belt and equally an empty space in my mind! What will I do with all my clothes and documents in it! It finally got traced as left behind in Dubai and I left with a promise that I will get them the next day evening!

On the day one of interviews, I had quite a good number of candidates who had come from far and near. The second day was relatively less, but at the same time I was also trying to observe the staff in the hotel I was staying and tried to find the best ones with a wonderful attitude and approached them; managed to sign a few of them, and a few others had their own reasons to continue in Nairobi!

It was wonderful weather during my trip; at times it was drizzling, but all the time it was nice and pleasantly cold weather. I felt the country has changed a lot since my last visit, especially the place where I was staying which was relatively unheard of. A lot of infrastructure development is taking place, and yet, I was touched when I had to listen to some of the issues the candidates had to share with me from their personal lives, the struggle they face to make the ends meet, and my helplessness to match their experience with my requirements, the internal struggle to say ‘no’ to them and the friction within to find a way to help them! How can I do it when what I am therefore is with a business objective!

There were some good examples of people fighting their way to reach where they want to reach; at a very young age, some of them has experienced life perhaps in some countries people double their age are yet to ! Though as a bye-product of their pursuit of worldly pleasure, a paradox I also had to adjust with and tune my questions were on the fact that I could meet many ‘bachelors’ having a child or two from an earlier relationship, growing with the children’s grand parents ! On the other side, there were others whose immediate answer to my question of whether they drink was “No, Sir, I am a Christian!”

A society of two extremes!

I will remember the pianist in the hotel’s lobby café who played for me Leonel Richie’s ‘Hello’ and Steve Wonder’s ‘I just called to say I love you!’, and gave me a few tips on what makes a real pianist – one who could pour the passion of heart to the key board through the tips of fingers !

Shahir

Mission Recruitment: Namaste Mumbai

Last time I visited Mumbai was when the Bombay riots were just breaking out; I narrowly escaped without getting caught in between; it was on the second day of the riot when I was booked to fly, and somehow the taxi driver

took pocket roads and alleys to take us to airport in the very early morning hours of that night!

A decade later when I landed there, she had changed her clothes from a khadi-Bombay to a more contemporary silk-Mumbai ! Or is it the reverse?

I seem to be having a streak of bad luck with my luggage ! I lost my luggage in Mumbai too; it just can’t be any more disappointing than this especially when in the next morning you are scheduled to conduct interviews and you are left with nothing

but the dress you are wearing ! After chasing pillars, post and a few staff at a chaotically organized counter in Mumbai airport to file claims on lost baggage, I had to resign to the fact that it will come only when it will come ! I never liked to see my suitcase as much I longed to see it when it was finally waiting at the concierge of the hotel I was staying !

The hotel ignited in me memories of the days Mumbai was attacked by the terrorists. (In the inset is the picture of Mumbai as seen from my room on the 33rd floor). Sidhu was almost in tears when I engaged him in a conversation; one of the many staff who were shot dead was one of his close friends; if he was not going to his village and therefore if he was not on day shift, I wouldn’t have been talking to Sidhu either ! When I watch the tides in Marine Drive, I felt anger and sadness in me, and a fearful image of how they infiltrated to the city! Did they swim through these waters? Did they walk as normal as how I am walking through the entrance doors? Did they know to smile too? Did they see these smiling staff, holding their hands together greeting traditional ‘namaste,’ only to feel the hot metal pierce their hearts as they pulled the triggers?

The staff at the Hotel Trident at Marine Drive are outstanding. The team at the reception – whether they are experienced or trainees – the young or old staff in Housekeeping, the staff in the restaurant, I simply wished to bring them all with me to my hotel and make it a Luxury Hotel That Everyone Loves ! They were outstanding, not because they were articulate in how they greeted or met the guests; they stood out from their genuine care, their ability to anticipate guests needs – truly, and their readiness and natural way of engaging guests ! It wasn’t merely a trained staff, but in their approach reflected the true hospitality, and in that natural reflection was the beauty of service. I didn’t want them to use artificial words – which is what I heard mostly in the cabin crew of Jet Airways as I flew from Mumbai to Chennai and later from Chennai to Colombo; in their lips were the words they were taught in Aviation Academy, but their hearts were distant from their lips, in contrast to the words and actions that came from the hearts in the interaction of these boys and girls at Trident. I loved them. It was to me a benchmark of hospitality.

The team at Soundlines and their attitude was truly the reflection of its leadership. Very professional, and absolutely experienced in what they are doing. Julie, Rameeza and Abdullah went extra mile in making sure that my objectives are met. They reflected the attitude and professionalism of their leader. However, my result of interviews were not encouraging – at least in numbers, especially on the second day.

What was amusing to me, and amazing too, was when I became a tourist in my own country! Maharashtra was a different ‘country and culture’ for me who comes from down south! When walking down the streets of Kolaba or bargaining for the antique trumpet and the mechanical clocks for sale on the street sides or when driving through the sea-link, I couldn’t help but feel proud of what India is and still more to think of what her potential is.

There were good moments that I polished to make them fine. One such was the little restaurant we got down to have some fresh juice on our way to office; the restaurant was over 75 years old; it must have seen Bombay grow from a child to what she is now! In the restaurant, in a corner, sat an old lady, drinking a traditional drink – didn’t know what that was. I don’t think that lady has come there to just drink that, at that age! What would she be nurturing in her thoughts as a memory from a distant past when she would have walked down that lane with someone beloved – her dad who

would have been serving the British then, or her beloved boyfriend who was on leave from the marine – to have a cup of coffee? I just thought of that as a possibility, for a lady of that age wouldn’t simply come down to just drink a juice!!

Except for the dinner I once had in Bybylos in Lebanon, I never experienced one such traditional meal like that I had at Panchvati Gaurav restaurant – I don’t know where ! I had been invited to go to an Italian Restaurant and I thought Italian food wouldn’t be an issue when compared to seizing the opportunity to have a ‘maharashtra’n food while in Maharashtra – a dish where 12 different items are served with a purpose and offering a harmonized diet.

The restaurant and food was not just about a meals experience, but also a classic example for anyone to learn about the necessity of Job Descriptions, Empowerment and how an organization could run seamlessly when the roles are defined with clarity. Each one had specific roles, and each one were like the planets in its orbits, orbiting in its own space and pace, never colliding with the other. Each knew when their turn is coming, what to serve, how much to serve, when to come back, and when to step back. Dabbawala’s were one case the world has studied over and over for its efficiency of management, and this was no less a management lesson. I felt pity thinking of a few others who claim to be internationally professional when I looked at these boys functioning so efficiently and creating a wonderful experience for its guests!

Sometimes simplicity is the most complex thing to achieve.

From Mumbai, I travelled to Chennai and stayed with my beautiful family. Naisha and Mariam didn’t have enough time to be excited, for, before they knew I am there, they realized I am packing to leave again ! I long for that day when I will never have to leave them, and can be together and yet be growing and achieving the goals we set for all of us!

Shahir

September 10, 2011

Colombo Calling !

It’s only less than two hours to Colombo from Chennai! But for that, I am on the road from 10:00pm till 05:00pm – one whole night! When I reached the hotel, all I needed was to just sleep for a few extended hours at a stretch.

That was not to happen though as we had to meet and finalize the logistics of interviews scheduled for the next day. As we knew that the days will be occupied through out, the Managing Director of my recruiting partner took me around the city late in the night; Colombo is a beautiful city, and the climate was absolutely wonderful, with slightly drizzling now and then. The hotel I was put at resembled an old colonial house, and I simply loved the quietness of the place; it is perfectly the place I want to come back and spend some time with no agenda ! The stillness, the natural sound, the unobtrusive staff, the birds and their chirping, the rain drops that made patterns of ripples in the swimming pool; I just loved it.

The recruitment campaign wasn’t bad either; managed to find quite a good number of experienced candidates for different roles. I was very happy with the results.

The country is indeed in its path to progress especially with the defeat of the separatist group LTTE. What I was disappointed to discover was the authoritative dictatorial style of a pseudo-democratic government who is leaving no stones unturned in its pursuit to amass wealth from the countries resources, and how the process is orchestrated carefully by the heads of states and government machinery.

It never makes any sense to me when I think of why these leaders because so wise and yet idiots who are unable to learn from the lessons they see around them? Why are they blind to what happened to Saddam Hussein, Hosni Mobarak, Radovan Karadzic, Slobodan Milosevic, The Roman Empire, The Soviet Union – why do they believe that they have an eternal power and that the wealth and power they amass now will stand tall to protect them eternally?

What is the psychology behind their behaviour that blinds them from the reality that repeats before their eyes in such a fast pace?

Shahir

15 September 2011

I Wouldn't Trade It For An Empire !

Being nice, kind and compassionate always presents itself with a reward of its own; do not be disappointed by its disguised nature of offering a delayed gratification, for its value is in the karat of joy it offers as the time matures, when all on the stage has left after the curtain is down, and the only sound you hear is of the crickets in the darkness of the woods.

If in the place of heart you were left with an expensive marble rock, you would be better off with not much to be concerned about being out of the gravitation you otherwise experience in the whirlpool of emotions the life presents as you look around. It's only a nice, kind and compassionate heart who expresses a willingness to dive deep into the depth of lives of people you live with or observe as you go, and pick from that depth a hitherto unseen diamond of life and have that moment to sit together and rub and polish it to make it shine and make a difference in their lives.

That one moment spent with a heart craving for an undiluted compassion from a fellow being, do not leave you with so much of joy as you would from having a Rolce Royce or a Land Rover, instead with intense pain at the center of your heart from thinking of the struggle the other endures in the process of living - that intolerable pain of heart caused by your nature that wishes to experience a moment of the other's life. Would you trade that pain with a kingdom? Or would you absorb that pain, knowing that it's the tax you pay to be nice, kind and compassionate?

The gratification comes with maturity of time, when you realize that you have lived a life touching the hearts and souls of many other !

I wouldn't trade it for an empire !

Shahir

August 28, 2011