There are moments you come across in life where the closets of memories are sorted and clearedto take a few of the best ones with you to the future; a conscious transition marking an end and the beginning. The moment of cutting that umblical chord that connects to a series of special moments in the past have to be carefully held and truncated to move on to the future. It’s an aching moment.
Silly though it may sound, I feel that ache as I woke up this morning. Perhaps there was a build up to this since a week.
I am shifting to my new accommodation today – from Naz City to Elegan Hills !
It’s nearly a year since I came to this place; to take time as a scale to measure its significance would be as containing ocean in a mustard shell ! The days and months that lead to arriving here in Erbil, and the months that followed till now has great significance beyond what the Time could contain. The experience of living together with strangers who became friends and grew to be emotionally inseparable, the stages of transitions from strangeness, to dislikes to likes to loving and caring, the invisible bond it help us build in sharing those personal space, and the understanding that it developed of each others’ taste of living, their personal hopes, likes an dislikes – these would have not happened if it were not for the opportunity we had to be together. Clive, George, Devrim…all of them leaving a special memory of their own unique ways of living – one that perhaps we would never experience again, together !
And then there was the world I built within that world of a shared space – a shielded space of my own where I gardened my thoughts and nurtured my hopes; a world small in physical space yet so expansive as it could contain the whole of the past and till the edge of future, with an ever shifting horizon.
I don’t know if I will miss this place; but I know I have been sensing an ache as I pack my things; every steps are the last of its kind; every moment, one that will never come again. I have never enjoyed packing; to pack is always to part from something, someone. It has always been a symbol of disconnect; it always had a tinge of ache. When you take things with you, and when you leave things behind, you are not just taking or leaving it physically, but a piece of memory with it; you might forget it, and it may be insignificant in the larger scheme of life, yet, there is a gap of time from now till then when it is forgotten and transition into being insignificant.
What is an ‘end’ has always been a new beginning.
What is endless?
