Finding Lasting Happiness and Emotional Well-being

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An Evening at Marina Beach

I was at the Marina Beach this evening with Naisha - my eldest daughter, watching the reflections of life through the prism of time! How do I illustrate the visual?

I saw families, some of them new, gauged from the distance they stood, and others, families since long, from the indifference I felt! The new, standing with their fingers intertwined, hands that later stretched to be held around each others’ waist, looking at the tides and seeing nothing but its beauty, hearing not the roar of the waves but the orchestra played by the angels of love, feeling in them the beauty of their life ahead, and love. They knew of no crowd surrounding them or the horse-rider passing in front of them! The old, they were silent too.

There were friends, whose conversations that had the familiarity of sharing and the desire for caring. Perhaps in them were a few whose conversations were of the friend whom they lost, result of a broken pledge, a shifted priority, a transformed vision. Some of them may be friends in the making, or perhaps preventing one from breaking.

There were children of different ages; some of them chasing tides, neither willing to realize that the foam of tide they are attempting to hold in their palm would change its shape when detached from the tide, nor do they know its power of destruction; it’s a game, as long as it is a game. There were children flying kites, kites flying low in spite of the height they are meant to reach! They blame the wind, not realizing it’s in their hands the control and discipline to direct the kite and let it reach the height.

Sitting a little away from her parents, there was a young girl, with her legs folded, hands holding them tight to her chest, with her chin resting on the folded knees, looking at the high tides perhaps not rising enough to match the height of her life’s expectations! In the white foam of waves that washed the shore erasing the writings on the floor, what she must have been seeing that her parents or I can’t see?

Could the parrot in the cage pick one from the deck of cards spread on the torn mat with the astrologer sitting nearby struggling to even keep his lantern lit, provide an answer to the questions that I saw shining in her eyes, that she’s searching in the pearls of tides splashing on her thoughts?

Shahir
17 Oct 2010

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Lalit Modi : A Simple Lesson

Lalit Modi is a phenomenal example of negative application of hardwork, persistence and perseverance devoid of values and ethics, enabling one to achieve quick but unsustainable results in life. The actions that one believed as opaque and impenetrable , transforming miserably over time as transparent and thin as a bubble that burst right on the face, of which the power of explosion strips one naked and chase to find a place to hide, leaving the glory of achievements in the obscurity of the shadow of miseries that he himself crafted unknowingly while designing the patterns of his success!”

I have always watched Lalit Modi with double mind; one that of inspiration for how he singlehandedly scripted and directed the story of IPL and pulled it up to transform as a global brand, with the backing of all the heavyweights of business and cricket rallying behind it, for him; the other, that of absolute hate for the arrogance he displayed in his body language as he moved around during these period, and the several stories I keep hearing of his autocratic leadership style.

He kept his head high; head high, we must have, proud of our achievements; yet, we must not let that height obscure our sight of people around us and the respect for them, for, the position you hold is not eternal, but the respect you earn would company you beyond the period you spend in the office at the corner. I remember the advice one of my former boss Mr Phil Stephenson gave us in his farewell note; it was a quote: "Never tread on anyone's toes when you are on the way up, as they might be attached to the foot of the person who walks all over you when you are on the way down!"

There was an arrogance in his body language as I saw him address the media. There was an overbearing pride in his careless choice of words and responses, and the over-inflated power of authority in his voice. He walked with a spring on his feet; the Ambani’s and Mittals and Goyenkas and Tatas has seen and achieved more than what he has and yet there remains a humility, care and concern in the words and appearance of those people; when I listen to them, I hear in their voice a sound of caution that reminds them of the failure to come in the glory of achievements and therefore the need of humility and a measured exhibition of their joy or power, whereas, Lalit Modi elated himself to the level synonymous to ‘God of Cricket’ with his influential connections running world around, and forgot that days are followed by nights, and summer is just one season and there are other seasons to follow.

Hardwork is imminent to be successful. Perseverance when faced with obstacles is a quality that one would envy, very few are blessed with, and many pray for. Lalit Modi had all these qualities. But these qualities are like a gem on the nose of a pig, for its value is lost as it rubs its nose in the dirt of the streets. Humility is a lesson Lalit Modi seem to have never learned. While he could have been the poster-boy for the youngsters to learn from, if his achievements are anything to go by, because it is devoid of values and ethics, it would never be a story I would share with my children.


Shahir
14 October 2010

The India I Want

What I am sharing here might defy the logics of the historians and the wisdom of the intellectuals. Nonetheless, many ordinary men and women like me across the country would resonate with the feeling I share, and the ambition I hold dearly for this country.

The other day, we were travelling in train back to Chennai. There was a young girl travelling alone, and was negotiating with the ticket inspector to see the possibility of having a seat, even if it meant to travel sitting whole night.

One did not have to look again to gauge the anxiety filled in her heart that was reflecting in the depth of her eyes that has gone shallow from not knowing what to do. She was asked to get down in the next station, and take another ticket and wait for the next train to come a few hours later after midnight. Travelling in the general compartment of Indian Railways requires special strength and ability to endure that even most men would try and avoid, let alone a girl of her strength and stature.

The conversation of that girl and the ticket inspector got our attention. As it reached a near conclusion that she have to get down, we approached her and asked if she would mind sharing a berth with our daughter who is only 7 years old and is relatively thin and could adjust and accommodate two of them as she too was of thin frame. She approached the inspector and sorted it out accordingly, to travel as an ‘accompanying passenger’ with us!

The only criteria we had in volunteering to share my daughter's berth in train with a young hindu girl who was asked to leave the compartment for not having a confirmed reservation was the understanding of the human difficulty that girl will face in that odd hour of the night. It shouldn’t be surprising to know if you were not surprised at all reading this line, and if this line appeared to be so natural a conclusion for you too in a situation like this, for that is what we all are, and that’s what the fabric of India is made of; it’s not about my wife and I, it’s about us; we all – the ordinary men and women – wouldn’t have to think twice on what decision to make in helping another person; because, in their faces we have the sensitivity to see the face of our children, our brethrens, those dear and beloved to us!

Across India, many such simple stories can be seen as being lived daily. A hindu women waiting patiently outside an ICU of a hospital where her muslim neighbor is recovering slowly was yet another sight that has strengthened my belief in the plurality and love the true India share, just to cite another example from our daily lives!

How then can a few men behind senseless banners make the choices for millions whose humble wish is not to bask in the majestic glory and the debris of kings and queens of the past but to live and let live in peace, engaged in a daily battle to fill a plate for their children building a tri-colour nation - a nation proclaimed for unity in diversity.

How can a ‘board’ represent the millions and make decisions on their behalf? To a large extent, they are individual decisions, or the choice of a few men in disguise of public interest or in the interest of a community. I would rather have a referendum within the community on the course of actions, though it might not be what we are used to, but let new practices begin when the old ones have become redundant.

What is it other than the ruthless ego that is driving either front to hang on to a piece of land to build a place of worship in a nation where land is in abundance? Now, this might make at least a few think of the ‘follishness’ of the suggestion, for it doesn’t fit to the intellectual framework of the learned’s thoughts! So be it. Let us do something foolish, if it will mean people of this nation will have a sustainable platform to live and grow wise, with faith in each other, and not hatred for each other.

Can we not abandon the legacy of kings and the false rhetoric in the name of God?

For, the form of God does not lie in a heap of concrete and pillars; it lies in the strength of tolerance, it lies in the willingness to co-exist, it lies in the ability to love, see through the eyes the glow of hearts and the suffering within.

We have written enough and more pages of stories of rifts and riots; can we not spare a few remaining pages to write stories of unity, tolerance, love and growth together? The title of that chapter was written more than five decades ago: "Unity In Diversity".

We must write its content. You and I.


Shahir
10.10.10

The Game We Play

Someone will have to sit staring at the floor when the other will run round and round looking at the sky with delight. A winner's joy is the graceful sorrow of the one on whose shoulder she climbed to lift the flag of her victory; delight for one, despair for the other; that's the rule of game; that's equally the inevitable truth of the other game we play: Life.

Shahir
9th October 2010

Context: Commonwealth Games 2010

Success

Everyone who has become successful in their life has endured a long stretch of struggle; stressful days and sleepless nights, the tough rides against the forces of unseen gravity. The irony of the story is in the fact that the struggle is never in the distant past, and more often illustrated in present continuous; a fiction in the making, and what appears in front as the climax is but just a pause between chapters with little space in time before the next is begun.

The exhaustive struggle continues with an end never in sight.

And is it worth?

It all depends whom you ask, and when.

Robert Edwards - the British scientist whose pioneering research with his colleague led to the birth of the world's first 'test-tube baby' in 1978, won the Nobel Prize for medicine. That indeed is a great recognition to what must have been a very challenging and time consuming work they did in their prime-time as scientiests. They must have cherished dreams in the pursuit of making this breakthrough happen. And towards the end, his colleague Patrick Steptoe didn't live long enough to receive this news of recognition. And Robert Edwards is reported to be too ill to even make a comment on this recognition, let alone break a bottle of champaigne with his living colleagues and friends and families to celebrate the success.

"Begin With The End in Mind" is one of the 7 Habits of Highly Effecitive People. Perhaps to be seen as noble and modest, one might argue that winning a Nobel Prize was never the 'end' these scientists visualized but the achievement in the field they worked. Yet, I would have liked to think of it as hypocritic that they never dreamed of a global recognition for what they would have realized from the beginning as a breakthrough achievement in human science.

Success. Everyone is in pursuit of success. But is success that one is unable to celebrate worth pursuing?

My thoughts stand a chance to be influenced by this moment's situation while writing this, and perhaps might change when I am at the height of motivation! But for now, I believe, success is something that one must be able to celebrate, cheer, and run with like a boy with his toy!

Shahir
05th October 2010